


Necks to Nothing

by ObscureReference



Series: A Pain in the Neck [3]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2015-12-12
Packaged: 2018-05-06 06:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5405933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObscureReference/pseuds/ObscureReference
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Human heartbeats are weird.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Necks to Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Every time I write the word "vampire," I want to explode with embarrassment.
> 
> Also, continuing with the vampire pun titles. Necks to nothing = Next to nothing. Like Dex's heartbeat, even though it's not actually that slow. I'm funny.
> 
> This one doesn't have as much of a plot, but I wanted to write something cute with this series before I posted anything else. Also, I was having trouble writing other things. This too, actually, but I tried really hard to finish and I hope it came out okay. This was gonna be longer at first, but I couldn't work it out. Oh well.

Contrary to popular rumor, vampires _did_ have heartbeats. They were just exceptionally slow.

It was one of the reasons Dex protested going to the doctor, even when he had come down with the flu and Bitty had written protests in the notes he placed on top of the Get Well Soon pies he left around in Dex's room, among other things. The only times his heart really sped up was the adrenalin from when he was on the ice. Other than that, though, Dex didn't really think about it. It wasn't like humans were constantly aware of their heartbeat either.

It was also the reason he wasn't particularly warm blooded, at least by human standards. He didn't mind it, usually. One the ice, he was moving too much to really feel the chill, and in the dead of winter, he just bundled up and moved inside as fast as he could, just like everyone else. His lower body temperature didn't cross his mind very often.

But Dex did have to admit that it felt pretty nice to press up against a human heater.

Chowder's fingertips were icy, but the rest of him sure wasn't, though if that was by nature or his thick hoodie he wore, Dex couldn't tell. What he _could_ tell was that Chowder's heart beat a mile a minute when he pressed his ear against Chowder's chest.

It was hard not to hear, even though the sweatshirt. The few extra inches of height Dex had on him meant this exact position hadn't come up often, but it wasn't so bad to rest his head against Chowder's chest while they watched a movie.

"Your heart is beating pretty fast," Dex muttered after a few minutes of listening to the hummingbird rhythm in his ear. The light from the computer monitor brightened to almost unbearable levels as onscreen, a car exploded.

Dex squinted at the brightness. With how caught up they were in the movie, he hadn't really expected a response, but Chowder replied anyway.

"Is that like a vampire thing?" Chowder asked

"Yeah," Dex said without taking his eyes off the screen. "It's pretty amazing. It's called having ears."

"Oh," Chowder said. "I guess your ears are kind of big."

Dex frowned, lifting his head and twisting to look Chowder in the eye. "Excuse me?"

"No, it's cute!" As if to emphasize this, Chowder tugged at the rim of Dex's ear with his fingers. Dex batted him away and laid back down.

"My ears are average size," he insisted.

"Sure," Chowder said. Dex didn't think Chowder actually agreed with him, but he didn't comment any further. At least he wasn't like Nursey. Nursey would have subtly jabbed him about it all night.

So what if his ears stuck out a little more than usual? It wasn't a big deal. Lots of people had big ears. Even though his weren't that big. At all.

Chowder poked him in the cheek. "You're blushing."

"You're seeing things," Dex replied instantly. He didn't bother lifting his head when he rubbed at his exposed cheek, hoping to make the redness of his face more natural. He couldn't tell if it worked or not.

"No, I'm pretty sure you're blushing."

"Just watch the movie."

Chowder hummed.

Dex shifted a little, readjusting himself so his chin didn't dig into Chowder's chest when he looked at the computer screen. He didn't move that much though, so when Chowder's heart skipped a beat, Dex heard it. In fact, he could practically feel the way Chowder's heart fluttered just beneath his skin.

Chowder himself didn't comment on it, so Dex kept his eyes on the movie. Humans had weird anatomy.

\----------

"Hey," Dex said when he couldn't take it anymore. "What's wrong?"

Chowder hummed. Dex poked him in the side. "Seriously, wake up."

They were in Chowder's room, again. Maybe it would have been more romantic to lay out by the Pond or something, but laying out in public also meant people could _see_ them being romantic, and Dex didn't really want to do that just yet. Which he felt pretty bad about, actually, but confronting that also meant confronting a bunch of other things he didn't want to, so Dex was shoving that in the back of his mind for now.

Chowder groaned, but he opened one eye, at least. His eyes were pretty unfocused, Dex noticed. Maybe he'd been closer to sleep than Dex thought.

"Wha'?" Chowder managed.

"You're hearts beating, like, really fast," Dex said. He squinted at Chowder's face. "Are you sick?"

Or, it _had_ been beating really fast until a few minutes ago, but the sound had stuck with Dex so much he couldn't let it go. It wasn't the first time he'd noticed such a thing, but he'd initially chalked it up to humans just being built differently. But after a while, Dex convinced himself that no matter how slowly _his_ heart beat, humans shouldn't sound like they were running a marathon _all the time._

Maybe it wasn't all the time, Dex reasoned, since he only heard Chowder's heart when he was pressed against his chest. But every time he did that, Chowder's heart seemed pretty darn fast. So it might as well have been all the time.

"Uh," Chowder said, much more awake than before. "It's nothing."

"No, I'm serious," Dex said, sitting up. "Do you have a condition or something?"

The thought made his stomach sink. God, he was the worst boyfriend in the _universe_ if Chowder had some kind of illness and he didn't know about it. Could people even play on sports teams with a heart condition? He wasn't sure.

Chowder muttered something, and Dex frowned, straining to hear.

"What?"

Chowder took a breath and sat up as well, face red. "I said, you make me really happy! So my heart beats fast!"

"What, all the time?"

"Yeah!" Chowder admitted, loud despite his obvious nervousness. Or maybe because of it.

Dex paused. He took a moment to process this new information.

"We were literally just taking a nap."

"Yeah," Chowder agreed. "And that's so great!"

Despite his slow blood circulation, Dex felt his own face heat up as well. He threw his hands over his face.

"I cannot believe." He couldn't manage the rest of the sentence.

"I'm sorry! You just make me really happy!"

"No," Dex said back, pulling his hands away. "Don't be sorry about that!"

"Sorry!"

"How are you even _real_?" Dex asked, looking at the ceiling.

Chowder stuck his tongue out. "Rude."

"No, I meant— ugh." He'd never been one for words. "You're really something else."

"Thanks," Chowder said slowly. "I think."

God, Dex _really_ had to work on the whole compliment thing. Talking about his emotions just seemed so embarrassing, though, as much as Chowder threw his own out there. It wasn't like he had much experience with that sort of thing.

"No, I mean." He took a deep breath, looking away. "You... make me really happy too."

He was literally _on fire_ with embarrassment. Even if nobody else was around, it felt like such a cliché thing to admit.

Chowder huffed, throwing his arm around Dex's shoulder and pulling him back down on the bed. This time, he settled behind Dex as the big spoon, which Dex didn't mind because that meant he could get his face back to a normal color without being stared at.

"You thought I had a heart condition," Chowder said from behind him.

"It's a reasonable assumption!" Dex protested.

"A heart condition."

"Stop."

"Were you going to take care of me if I said yes?" Chowder asked. He was teasing, but Dex grumbled the answer anyway.

"What else would I have done?"

Chowder tightened the arm he had thrown over Dex's chest. "You're really sweet."

It sounded like he was making fun of Dex, but Dex knew Chowder was being serious. The knowledge helped him relax, if only a little.

Chowder kissed the back of his neck softly, and Dex relaxed the rest of the way. It wasn't that big of a deal. Secretly, he was kind of glad it turned out to be something embarrassing and not that Chowder was actually sick or something.

Chowder tucked himself a little closer, and when Dex _really_ concentrated, he could almost feel Chowder's heart beat against his back. He smiled slightly to himself, tucking his face against the pillow.

Human anatomy wasn't that different, even though at times like these it sure felt like it. But it wasn't terrible.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is http://someobscurereference.tumblr.com/ I post drabbles there sometimes under the tag "my fic". Feel free to hit me up there if you want.


End file.
